License to Shill

So, I did speak with the lady from Social Security last week. She assured me that they were still working on my contract and "It should be finished soon...I know I told you that two weeks ago..but this time I mean it." I feel much better now, knowing that the vast, efficient machinery of the SSA is firmly behind my application to review cardiac disability charts.

Also found out last week that the cardiac rehab program will be moving to the hospital in mid-March instead of February. So they'll need me for another month. Thus, I'm obligated (more or less) to additional time drinking coffee, reading, Internet surfing, and watching members of various shapes, sizes and ages (some more pleasing to observe than others) exercise.

Actually, I was useful several times over the last week. A few of the rehab clients had bona fide heart rhythm disturbances (Atrial Fibrillation, Atrial Flutter with block , and PSVT) which needed quick evaluation and disposition (as opposed to datposition). Sent one to the office of what my group lovingly refers to as "the others" or "the dark side" (a rival cardiology group in the next building). Sent one to the hospital via ambulance without doing much to him since he was quite stable. The third one was in a rhythm with a rapid rate and I ended up gently touching his Carotid artery to "break" the arrhythmia (Don't try this at home unless your doctor says it's OK). So much for trying to reduce the drama in my life.

I see in one of the medical news publications emailed to me several times per week that Pfizer is being questioned by the FDA as to why they used Dr. Robert Jarvik as a spokesperson for the anti-cholesterol drug Lipitor since, though he is a physician, he is not licensed to practice. He appears to be giving "medical advice" in the commercials. Pfizer has no need to worry. If they can't use Jarvik but they feel they need a doctor/inventor, I'm their man. I take Lipitor, I have a license, and I have plans for several devices designed to improve life and ease human suffering: NagAtroN- Fully Programmable GPS /Auto Navigation system incorporating the voice of the driver’s (D) significant other (SO) and utilizing SO’s pet phrases for pointing out the inability of D to follow directions properly, keep to the speed limit, signal turns, etc, etc. Default VOX files are female, directed at male D but may be modified for alternate lifestyles. This device saves wear and tear on SO's voice and allows SO to relax while feeling confident that all mistakes made by D will be promptly pointed out and properly logged for printout and future reference; Sticky Bunz-industrial strength velcro panties one wears during a bath, adherent to its velcromate (I just made up that word)- a matching pad placed in the tub below one's buttocks, allowing care-free relaxation while soaking/reading and thus eliminating the constant fear of sliding into the water; and Reflect a Bowl- an oval shaped mirror one may affix to the underside of a toilet seat cover, allowing beard and moustache trimming by kneeling in front of the commode, eliminating the necessity for husband-based sink clean up (a universally unsuccessful enterprise), and therefore a boon to marital harmony. I'm having my people call their people today.

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